Will the Large Hadron Collider summon a demon during the solar eclipse?

On April 8, 2024, the moon will pass in front of the sun in the sky over Mexico, North America, and Canada, causing a solar eclipse. A total eclipse will only happen along a narrow path across Earth’s surface, and its relative rarity will draw space enthusiasts from across the globe. According to some, it could also usher in the reign of an apocalyptic demon.

How could this happen? Well, it either has something to do with CERN – the scientific body behind the Large Hadron Collider – or NASA, or “dark wizards”, or ancient religions, or “deep state” reptilian elites, depending on which online conspiracy theorist you ask. Many, of course, believe that these are all the same thing, sharing lengthy posts that “expose” how everything is interconnected, the world is coming to an end, and now is the time to start panicking. Conveniently, this is also pretty good for engagement on TikTok and X, where drama equals views, and views equals cash.

And what will happen if the world doesn’t fall into the clutches of a Satanic, spacefaring, deep-state demon on April 8? Well, chances are the conspiracy theories will be swiftly memory-holed, and the doomsayers will move on to a different wacky idea. China nuking the moon, maybe. Or bring back those Mexican aliens – where did they go? Maybe they can spell humanity’s doom!

In the meantime, all we can do is not panic about the end of the world, stay wary of the rife antisemitism in the conspiracy community, and record some of our favourite theories for posterity.

So, without further ado…

NASA IS WORKING FOR AN ANCIENT EGYPTIAN SNAKE DEITY

During the eclipse on April 8, the space agency is scheduled to launch three “sounding rockets” from its flight facility in Virginia, to study how Earth’s atmosphere is affected when sunlight momentarily dims over the planet. According to a statement, this will help identify potential interference with Earth-based communications. Which is why the project is named Atmospheric Perturbations around Eclipse Path, or APEP for short.

As some have pointed out, however, Apep is also the name of an ancient Egyptian deity. Apep, who was also known as the “Lord of Chaos”, took the form of a giant snake and embodied evil and darkness. Some have noted that Apep’s arch-enemy, the solar deity Ra, is also often depicted with three companions while hunting the serpent deity, linking this to NASA’s three rockets. Oh, and one of the rockets is supposedly launching at 3:22pm, 322 being a number associated with the conspiracy-shrouded Skull and Bones society. The conclusion? NASA’s April 8 launch is “1000 per cent” an esoteric ritual.

THE LARGE HADRON COLLIDER WILL OPEN AN INTERDIMENSIONAL PORTAL

Call it Hell, call it a parallel universe – the Large Hadron Collider is set to open a rift in space-time on April 8, if a few *enlightened* TikTokers are to be believed. Speculation that the world’s largest particle accelerator is a portal to Hell isn’t entirely new, of course. Its mission to smash subatomic particles together and find the ‘God particle’ has raised concerns about opening a black hole – or a mind-altering alternative dimension responsible for the Mandela Effect – since before it booted up in 2010. Add to that suspicions about its ‘666’ logo, robed rituals, and Shiva statue, and the LHC is prime conspiracy material.

All importantly, CERN is also set to restart its proton beam collisions at the LHC – following its annual winter break – on… you guessed it, April 8. Does this actually have anything to do with the eclipse, which will only appear as a tiny, partial eclipse over Switzerland, where the LHC is based? If the solar system gets sucked out of existence, we’ll let you know.

@humbleprepping CERN HADRON COLLIDER TEST DURING APRIL 8th ECLIPSE!! #cern #cernhadroncollider #solareclipse #solareclipes2024 #blackhole #apocalypse #endoftheworld #survival #eclipse ♬ Suara Seram Sangat Mencekam - Kholil Buitenzorg

ALEISTER CROWLEY IS SOMEHOW INVOLVED

In case you’re unfamiliar, Aleister Crowley was an occultist, philosopher and magician working in the early half of the 20th century. On April 8, 1904, he claimed to have heard the voice of a mysterious entity named Aiwass, which he identified as Satanic (although Crowley’s definition of ‘Satan’ was slightly different to ours). Eagle-eyed readers will already have noted the date: April 8! 120 years ago! That is... essentially where the connections to the eclipse end, though some have also linked the word Aiwass with AI, which has also gained traction as a harbinger of the apocalypse.

Like the NASA one, this theory operates on the assumption of many great conspiracy theories: that devil-worshippers would leave behind a series of numerical and linguistic clues about their grand scheme. Why? Maybe the numbers have mystical significance, maybe they just want to toy with us before we all die. We’re not quite sure!

WE’RE WAKING UP GIANTS

The April 8 eclipse will cross paths with a similar eclipse from 2017, forming an ‘X’ over the village of Makanda, in southern Illinois, now known as the Eclipse Crossroads. Makanda itself seems fairly insignificant, but it is described as the gateway to Giant City State Park. Coincidence? Given the state park’s name and the prevalence of Bigfoot sightings in the area, some have speculated that the eclipse is actually designed to wake up dormant giants, so that they can walk the Earth once more.

Weather forecasts have predicted cloud coverage during the eclipse, sparking worry among viewers who’ve travelled from afar to see the sun go dark. More importantly, though, the theorists suggest that this cloud cover might be generated on purpose, to shroud the ancient creatures as they rise from their slumber. Something to think about!

@holikela #greenscreen #map #maplady #clouds #eclipse #news #update #solareclipse #2024 #giants #nephilim #conspiracy ♬ original sound - Kela